Trey Lance Is Still Employed by the Cowboys?! How Many Interceptions Does It Take to Get Fired?

I hate to say, “I told you so,” but come on—how is Trey Lance still collecting an NFL paycheck? I thought we wrapped up this story last week when he stumbled through his preseason shot against the Rams, and now he’s back to bless us with a “show” against the Chargers? Spoiler: It didn’t get any better. Somehow, after tossing five—yes, FIVE—interceptions, Lance is still hanging on to that sweet, sweet 53-man roster spot. At this point, I’m convinced he’s auditioning for an alternate universe where turnovers are the goal.

The Cowboys' defense, on the other hand, is putting in the work! Seriously, for a game where they practically handed the Chargers the ball on every other play, they still only lost by six points. That’s some elite-level defensive depth right there. Imagine giving up the ball five times and still being in striking distance? Somewhere, Dak Prescott is sipping iced tea, knowing that when his inevitable two-week shoulder soreness hits midseason, the defense has his back.

Of course, it’s preseason, so we’re not expecting the starters out there—or Eagles fans to suddenly stop being delusional about their team’s inevitable crash (don’t even get me started on Hurts). But these games matter for guys like Lance. Well, they’re supposed to matter. But apparently, the Cowboys are more than happy to throw out a quarterback who’s shown less accuracy than a broken Madden controller. I mean, even with Cooper Rush securing the backup QB spot, the Cowboys could’ve given that third string to a gym teacher, and we wouldn’t know the difference.

Speaking of defensive depth, with Daron Bland out for 6-8 weeks, it’s good to see that the Cowboys won’t just crumble defensively without him. Tony Jefferson racked up tackles like they were Pokémon cards, and even after a pick-six, the defense stood tall. At least we can trust the defense to show up this year while Lance goes full Houdini on converting third downs.

By the way, while the Cowboys are figuring things out, over in Philly, Eagles fans are probably preparing another statue for Jalen Hurts’ latest turnover-prone masterpiece. Because what’s one more loss when you can still live in a fantasy land where the Eagles have fixed their roster holes, right?